numbers and shit.

i was talking to this girl the other day about people and their whole "new year, new me, new blah blah blahssssss" and i was like what makes the new year so different than any other new month? like what is the difference between may 31st and june 1st? at first i thought there was no real differentiation, then i thought about because i`ve said "in 2011.........." i told her that i was going to renege on my statement because i look at the clock at 12:52 AM everyday. it doesn`t matter where i am. i will look at a clock on a tv, watch, cell phone, anything that tells time but i do it subconsciously, i never think about it. i told her that our bodies and mind most likely realize that the 365/366 has been completed therefor knowing a new restoration period has come. i don`t know it sounded good to me. i just feel like if you are not going to improve or try to improve then don`t make all these powerful/cliche new year statements. time is just weird to me, like somebody delegated times, calenders, and days of the week sooooooooooooooo long ago, the shit is man made. yall do remember when george w. bush changed day light savings time right, and a few presidents before him did too. it was to save energy so i heard but the point is it was changed. i bet in the new 100 years the world will be flat again. i don`t know if any of that made sense.

i s t i m e o n y o u r s i d e ?

updates

• i`m still living in north carolina [ moving to new york in august THANK GOD ]
• i have two jobs.
• i`m still in graduate school
• i`m single
• i still damn near hate everybody
• i got a bunch of power moves underway

i dont ever write on here.

i guess i could start blogging on here again. i have a tumblr now, [ http://www.fauxtheLO.tumblr.com ] so i usually blog there. its easier, you can get a whole blog summed up in one picture, sentence, or quote. i guess i`m back.
h e l l o.

dee la may.

de la meg is: reckless, impatient, and everchanging.

things that make you hmmm.

when i was little i used to wonder like how are we humans? how do my fingers move, like how do we [people] actually interact. humans are so complex to me. it`s weird as hell, like we are bones, a brain, skin and blood. i wondered what it would be like to see the inside of me. it`s amazing *in my jeezy voice* i still wonder because i don`t know. i distinctly remember thinking in my head " how am i megan? " i still don`t know the answers. feel free to do some evolutional or religious bashing if you will - may help me out a little.
q u e s t i o n s a b o u t l i f e a t 2 2

abra cadabra.

i was just listening to it and said ; b l o g. early 2009 shit but i bang with this record so hard. the jargon goes point blank. "turn any bar into fight club ", " ya messin with this joker but you need a king, cause he a club anybody tryna jack his queen, ima call a spade a spade from the start, he gave you diamonds, shoulda gave you his heart, ya see?" I wish I felt like analyzing this song but i`m sorry this is not Dr. Sims "Psychology of Hip Hop," been there, aced that. But what I will do is implore you to listen, if you haven`t heard. It reminds me of Hova`s " I Know " ; it`s adjacent in metaphors. But I bang with it because it`s so real. When I listen to songs a visual scenario always pops in my head and I just see this so vividly. I see like glitter and dark colors and black panthers. [i know - some vision] This isn`t Zoe Kravitz pumping down in NYC, this is Kesha walking into the kitchen with her momma`s needle still in the arm, it`s the stripper with a nosebleed and black eye. One of my fears is falling into the traps of life - getting strung out, something like that. This song just makes me think of all the women, ladies, girls that had so much potential but didn`t quite make the cut. I see a lot of cases at my job [ not forever 21] the legit one - with the salary. This puts me somewhere, songs are a #win when I envision myself in another land. it`s my anti-pipe. this song sums up every girl in the world, like even though it`s matphotically speaks for like two subjects, i feel like it can encompass many defaults we have. i may come back to this later.
i s a n y b o d y o u t t h e r e ?

whatever wednesdays

i`m off on wednesdays. i don`t go to Forever. i don`t think about a client. Wednesday is my day to rape life. i was supposed to style my boo shakeeia for the black party but she`s an engineering major so she got held up. i spent my day filling out an incident report, @the mall in greensboro w/ a friend from high school and her baby and wound up at an open mic. i thought about sex ALL DAY. no seriously ALL DAY. how often do you all think about sex? does anybody cherish the "sacred exclusiveness" of sex anymore? i don`t think i do. when i want it i get it... Anyway it felt good to spit that poem at the open mic because i needed to express myself. what do you all do to release? masterbate, cook, read, crochet? i breathe poetry ; it`s the only bitch that never left me. shout out to couture productions. i`m thinking about sex again. expression is the only thing i have that i can call my own. i seriously say whatever is on my mind, sometimes that come backs and kicks me in the ass [ per emotions ] but at least i can say i`m real ass bitch in a fake ass world. speaking of fake ass people...why must people continue to flail around knowing they have secret motives? i`ve witnessed quite a few facades over these past few months and it makes me want to bust some bricks. if you`re pathetic BE PATHETIC, EMBRACE IT, LIVE IT. do not fake the funk to hide your true self. i know who i am, i wonder if your reflection ducks for fear it may reveal your true colors?


m a ri n a t e o n t h a t
see i can smile.

bad girls club - members only

@sexilantavegas and @drtysouthyankee have both nominated me for the reality show " The Bad Girls Club. " Fuck it, I agree. I like to cuss it releases all this shit i got stored up inside me. It makes me feel better to scream MFer this and B***H that. I`ve been through the fire, the storms, and the sunny days, all that does is fuel me even more. Seriously, if I went on that show, I would fight everyday. I get fed up by stupidity. I`m ruthless and I don`t ever plan to stop. People are stupid with skewed ass mentals and they need to be checked. No harm, no foul if you can suck shit up right? In th 11th grade Mr. Bowers was like damn, why are you so angry?! I was like that`s just me I think...Maybe I am naturally angry and irate. I had a conversation with two different people about my happiness and one said she thinks my art [poetry] would suffer if I`m ever totally content, the other said the same and also she thinks that is what makes me uniquely crafted and offset from the rest. I agree. I`m not mad, it`s just me. I could never be mellow it wouldn`t feel right.
w h a t y o u s a y t r i c k

more _______ ; more problems

I hate when I have problems. I always think “there is somebody doing more horrible than you Megan, get over it.” Well, we all got problems, and NO Kanye was not the first to admit it, but I can`t hoard them any more because I feel sorry for others. I`m entitled to the problems that fit my lifestyle. Is that wrong? Is it right? Is it normal? I want to know. I give my change to the pan handlers, I donate toys to homeless shelters, so when I need to vent over school, my job, exes, and all the other jargon of shit going on today, dammit I will. It just feels selfish to me because I`m employed, I have a home, and I`m not struggling. My issues stem from social awkwardness. Graduation and breakup is not a nice cocktail. We all have those moments where the world is too much and right now the world is on my shoulders as I bend over backwards.
m a k e s m e w a n n a s c r e a m.